***I started writing this a few days after I got home from the hospital. I think I'm ready to share my story. Just a warning there is some pretty graphic stuff in this post.***
I haven't done a blog in a while and I have something weighing heavy on my mind. I've tried for a few days now to push it away, but I have this feeling that it is here to stay and will never go away. Ha...looks like some poetry is calling my name ;) No really onto the serious stuff.
About 3 weeks before the twins were born I had been introduced to a story that was made public on another blog I read and also had been on national tv. A husband and wife tried for years and years to get pregnant. They finally conceived and were blessed with a baby girl. A short time after labor the wife passed away and the husband had been left to grieve the death of his wife but forced to celebrate the new life of a child. How devastating!
I believe in God.
I believe in prayer.
I believe in fate.
and.
I believe in destiny.
On September 12th my destiny had veered off track. Thanks to God, prayer, and fate I got back on track.
At first it was hazing and there were doctors & nurses hovering over me. I couldn't hear them and could barely see them. Then all of a sudden they were yelling my name over and over. I kept telling them that I was there. Nobody heard me. I knew Rory was in the room, I saw him out of the corner of my eye. He looked white as a ghost and has a distant stare in his eyes. I wanted him to know I was fighting and I wasn't ready to go. When I said "I don't want to die" that's when I knew everybody could hear me and then the pain began. I felt doctors pushing so hard on my stomach that I had no idea some of those women had so much strength. I felt excruciating pain as a doctor was "pumpkin scooping" (I later found out that this is my husbands description along with "it looked like a murder scene there was so much blood") my insides. I was being poked and prodded with needles and IV's. I felt the most horrendous pain in every ounce of my body. Luckily, for their sake I was muffled by the oxygen mask that covered my face as I screamed in agony.
It wasn't my time and I sure as hell wasn't ready to leave my husband without a wife and my children without a mommy.
Here is what I remember. My day started out at 3:30am when I woke Rory up and told him that we needed to go to the hospital. I had my cerclage taken out 2 days prior and we had already been to OB Assessment once already. I knew he wasn't thrilled to probably just be sent home again like the night before but this time it was different. We got to the hospital and I was 5cm dilated. At 12:30pm I started pushing and 12:53pm Mr. Braiden Patrick O'Brien made his appearance. Six minutes and two pushes later at 12:59pm Mr. Conley Quinn O'Brien joined us.
We had the boys in the Operating Room just in case something happened. Delivery went perfect and we were headed to recovery. Rory joined me in the recovery room and we had just begun talking about how perfect our two little boys were...and how they looked nothing alike. My biggest fear the whole pregnancy was how in the world am I going to tell the boys apart? What if I get them mixed up? Nothing to worry about now. They are two different looking and behaving boys.
I digress.
Rory had just started talking about how bad he felt that he wasn't in the nursery with the boys, but he was torn because he also wanted to stay in recovery with me. I kept reassuring him that I was fine and he was more than welcome to go visit the boys. Just as those words had come out of my mouth I started getting a weird sensation in my feet. They began to tingle. My tongue was feeling numb. I rolled over on my side because I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest and I couldn't breathe. I looked and Rory and said "something is NOT right!"
Later we found out that I had a postpartum hemorrhage. After childbirth a woman's uterus is supposed to "clamp down." Basically, it means to stop bleeding and start to go back to its prepregnancy state. Unfortunately, in my case that did not happen. Because of the twins and my uterus being stretched out for so long, it had basically been "traumatized" and was unable to clamp down and stop bleeding. On average, one pint of blood per minute (for a twin pregnancy) is pumped into the uterus to flow to the babies.
During the time that Rory and I were talking about our beautiful new boys and celebrating their health, my uterus was pooling with blood thinking the twins were still there to use the supply. I was bleeding to death and didn't even know it. I was given a blood transfusion, lots of fluids, iv iron and an extra day in the hospital.
I'm home now and the boys were able to come home with us. Rory and I are so blessed to have come this far even with the complications that started months ago with this pregnancy. We have two healthy boys that are thriving.
Today on a blog I visit was another unfortunate story. A husband lost his wife days after childbirth along with a newborn daughter losing her mom.
I can't escape the feeling that I could be with these women in heaven. (Please pray for their families.)
I'm not.
And I'm thankful for that.
The experience has put so many things into perspective in my life. There are things that need changing. Things I will strive to do differently. I want my husband and children to never have to question how much they mean to me. I want people to know how truly sorry I am if I've ever let them down or disappointed them, hurt them or caused them pain, or at any point caused strife in their life.
*****************************************************************
Reading this again to finish this post has me in tears. There are still things today that I need to do differently; however, I'm doing my best. I am no different than you or the person sitting next to you. I'm imperfect. I do know how lucky I am to be given a second chance. I remind myself of this each time Ava gets under my skin or Rory makes me upset.
Too few people out there get to say "this time around."
For me and my life:
This time around...I'm gonna do it right!
About 3 weeks before the twins were born I had been introduced to a story that was made public on another blog I read and also had been on national tv. A husband and wife tried for years and years to get pregnant. They finally conceived and were blessed with a baby girl. A short time after labor the wife passed away and the husband had been left to grieve the death of his wife but forced to celebrate the new life of a child. How devastating!
I believe in God.
I believe in prayer.
I believe in fate.
and.
I believe in destiny.
On September 12th my destiny had veered off track. Thanks to God, prayer, and fate I got back on track.
At first it was hazing and there were doctors & nurses hovering over me. I couldn't hear them and could barely see them. Then all of a sudden they were yelling my name over and over. I kept telling them that I was there. Nobody heard me. I knew Rory was in the room, I saw him out of the corner of my eye. He looked white as a ghost and has a distant stare in his eyes. I wanted him to know I was fighting and I wasn't ready to go. When I said "I don't want to die" that's when I knew everybody could hear me and then the pain began. I felt doctors pushing so hard on my stomach that I had no idea some of those women had so much strength. I felt excruciating pain as a doctor was "pumpkin scooping" (I later found out that this is my husbands description along with "it looked like a murder scene there was so much blood") my insides. I was being poked and prodded with needles and IV's. I felt the most horrendous pain in every ounce of my body. Luckily, for their sake I was muffled by the oxygen mask that covered my face as I screamed in agony.
It wasn't my time and I sure as hell wasn't ready to leave my husband without a wife and my children without a mommy.
Here is what I remember. My day started out at 3:30am when I woke Rory up and told him that we needed to go to the hospital. I had my cerclage taken out 2 days prior and we had already been to OB Assessment once already. I knew he wasn't thrilled to probably just be sent home again like the night before but this time it was different. We got to the hospital and I was 5cm dilated. At 12:30pm I started pushing and 12:53pm Mr. Braiden Patrick O'Brien made his appearance. Six minutes and two pushes later at 12:59pm Mr. Conley Quinn O'Brien joined us.
We had the boys in the Operating Room just in case something happened. Delivery went perfect and we were headed to recovery. Rory joined me in the recovery room and we had just begun talking about how perfect our two little boys were...and how they looked nothing alike. My biggest fear the whole pregnancy was how in the world am I going to tell the boys apart? What if I get them mixed up? Nothing to worry about now. They are two different looking and behaving boys.
I digress.
Rory had just started talking about how bad he felt that he wasn't in the nursery with the boys, but he was torn because he also wanted to stay in recovery with me. I kept reassuring him that I was fine and he was more than welcome to go visit the boys. Just as those words had come out of my mouth I started getting a weird sensation in my feet. They began to tingle. My tongue was feeling numb. I rolled over on my side because I felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest and I couldn't breathe. I looked and Rory and said "something is NOT right!"
Later we found out that I had a postpartum hemorrhage. After childbirth a woman's uterus is supposed to "clamp down." Basically, it means to stop bleeding and start to go back to its prepregnancy state. Unfortunately, in my case that did not happen. Because of the twins and my uterus being stretched out for so long, it had basically been "traumatized" and was unable to clamp down and stop bleeding. On average, one pint of blood per minute (for a twin pregnancy) is pumped into the uterus to flow to the babies.
During the time that Rory and I were talking about our beautiful new boys and celebrating their health, my uterus was pooling with blood thinking the twins were still there to use the supply. I was bleeding to death and didn't even know it. I was given a blood transfusion, lots of fluids, iv iron and an extra day in the hospital.
I'm home now and the boys were able to come home with us. Rory and I are so blessed to have come this far even with the complications that started months ago with this pregnancy. We have two healthy boys that are thriving.
Today on a blog I visit was another unfortunate story. A husband lost his wife days after childbirth along with a newborn daughter losing her mom.
I can't escape the feeling that I could be with these women in heaven. (Please pray for their families.)
I'm not.
And I'm thankful for that.
The experience has put so many things into perspective in my life. There are things that need changing. Things I will strive to do differently. I want my husband and children to never have to question how much they mean to me. I want people to know how truly sorry I am if I've ever let them down or disappointed them, hurt them or caused them pain, or at any point caused strife in their life.
*****************************************************************
Reading this again to finish this post has me in tears. There are still things today that I need to do differently; however, I'm doing my best. I am no different than you or the person sitting next to you. I'm imperfect. I do know how lucky I am to be given a second chance. I remind myself of this each time Ava gets under my skin or Rory makes me upset.
Too few people out there get to say "this time around."
For me and my life:
This time around...I'm gonna do it right!
D
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