I sit here tonight lonely, bored, emotional and trying to settle into my new home...the hospital until further notice.
It all started weeks ago. I had my 20 week ultrasound appoint with my ob and shared some concerns I had with the pregnancy as well as how his staff had handled a few issues. One of the issues I brought up to him, he neglected once again during this very visit. Rory and I talked...well basically I did all the talking and I told Rory I was going to look for a new doctor. I was only 1/2 way through this pregnancy so it wasn't too late. I'm not one to put too much into dreams but I'll share the basics of a dream I had. I went to the doctor and shared a concern with him, basically telling him I was in labor. He looked at me and laughed saying "you're pregnant you're going to feel that way." Now in real life this is typically his response to things. In my dream I just didn't feel right, something didn't feel right so I took myself to the hospital. Another doctor was on call. I was in labor and he stopped my labor and I had the babies full term. Remember, this was just a dream. It stood out to me so much combined with the mixed feelings I had with my ob's office, I decided to switch.
I asked around a lot and found a new ob. My appointment with him was scheduled for June 12, but as usual things change. On Wednesday I had called the new ob's office because Baby B was not moving and had not been for almost two days. He told me to come right in. He found both babies heartbeats on the doppler in no time. He explained that he had not received my medical records yet but I could come back after lunch (his ultrasound tech) already left for lunch or I could come in Thursday. Thursday would give him time to look over the records and schedule the ultrasound. Since both babies heartbeats were picked up right away and were good rates PLUS baby b started jumping around, I had decided just to wait until the next day to go back. I went back and this new ob did a full work up...exam and all. At first I wasn't sure why he was doing an exam but for the most part I respect physicians and their protocol. Thank goodness I didn't go against his wishes. He asked me to go home, DO NOTHING and come back at 8:30a.m. yesterday. I did just that. I went home 1.5cm dilated and did nothing. I was almost too afraid to even shower. I arrived at his office at 8:20 bottled with anticipation. By 10a.m. I was being admitted to the hospital. By 1p.m. I was being transported by ambulance to an out of town hospital to have an emergency cerclage put in.
All of this happened because I was 2 cm dialated when I went back to the ob yesterday morning. By the time I made it into surgery with the specialist I was 4cm dilated, 80% effaced and Baby A's amniotic sac was bulging through my cervix. The surgery is no guarentee; however it was a better attempt then to just sit on bed rest and do nothing at all. Both babies measure on target and will be 23 weeks gestation tomorrow. Thankfully, the hospital I'm at goes of birth weight and not gestation age to determine treatment when the boys are born. This is good in case they're born soon but have a viable birth weight.
Here is the information the specialist gave us last night. At this point, if the babies are born they will not survive. They both weigh 550 ish grams which converts to 1.2lbs. If we make it to 24 weeks the babies have a 5% higher survival rate and a 90% chance of a lifetime disabilities. 28-32 weeks and we can take home 2 healthy babies. So of course our goal is at least 28 weeks. Thats only 5 more weeks from tomorrow.
The surgery follow-up ultrasound was scheduled for Monday. The dr. said that the first 72 hours after placement of a cerclage are the most crucial. I'm currently surrounded by 6 other moms due with twins and 2 others who have a cerclage. Dr. decided to call in his u/s tech and get us all done today. After a little episode of bleeding this afternoon, the u/s news was the best news I had heard all day. Looking at the screen I saw a perfect sac and a cervix with lots of stitching. The dr. explained that the cerclage looks beautiful. I'm done to 3cm from 4 last night and most likely will not go down anymore but it's great it did go done 1cm. Now for baby A's bag. They were able to successfully place the bag back inside the uterus with no damage. During the ultrasound the dr did put pressure on the bag and as I was watching the screen preparing myself to see the begining of labor start by this one little move, God quickly gave me a reality check and reminded me that he's in charge and not myself. Baby A's bag did not budge! I believe the words the doc used today were "we're golden...for today." Tomorrow is a new day that brings new concerns and worries; however 1 day the babies stay inside are equivalent to 3 days of growth. Tomorrow remains our new normal. I lay in a bed for 23.5 hrs a day, watching tv, reading books, facebooking and text messaging. Phone calls have been saved for Rory and Ava, knowing everytime I hear their voice I hang up the phone and break down crying. I miss my husband and I miss my little girl. They came up here to see me today and Ava did very well.
It just hurts because Ava should not have to see her mom stuck with tubes all over and a catherter bag hanging off the bedside that you have to remind her not to kick it. It hurts me that Ava might not get to meet her brothers that she talks to everyday as she rubs lotion on my stomach. Its lovely to watch...her and her brothers bonding already and how in the hell do I explain to her if she never gets to meet them. I've gone through the highs and lows a hundred times in my head. I can't blame my first doctor for not looking into my complaints more seriously, when all of this possibly happened but I can be greatful that I found somebody who doesn't mind listening and treating a patient based on what they've just heard.
I can't not bring these boys home with me, yet I never underestimate that this is not my decision. Here I have come across blog after blog of miracle babies that I talk about on here, and during this little revelations I see prayer works! Please pray for Braiden Patrick O'Brien and Conley Patrick O'Brien. Pray that they fatten their tiny little bones up and they make it into this world breathing. Please pray that if this is not Gods choice that I can have understanding and strength to ever pick my feet back up and put one foot in front of the other.
Rory, if you're reading this I want you to know that I would never have picked a more solid perfect person to go through this with than you! I know I cry and that you cry but when you leave you leave me with a sense of peace and optomism. You leave me feeling like "I CAN do this" and not "I CAN'T do this anymore!" I love you for being my rock and reminding me that prayers and God really work...thank you!
Thank you to all of my friends, family and support system Rory and I truly would be lost without your encouraging words and power of prayer! We love you all!
I think I'll take advantage of this ambien I have sitting here and try to sleep for the first time in weeks. Good night and God Bless!
It all started weeks ago. I had my 20 week ultrasound appoint with my ob and shared some concerns I had with the pregnancy as well as how his staff had handled a few issues. One of the issues I brought up to him, he neglected once again during this very visit. Rory and I talked...well basically I did all the talking and I told Rory I was going to look for a new doctor. I was only 1/2 way through this pregnancy so it wasn't too late. I'm not one to put too much into dreams but I'll share the basics of a dream I had. I went to the doctor and shared a concern with him, basically telling him I was in labor. He looked at me and laughed saying "you're pregnant you're going to feel that way." Now in real life this is typically his response to things. In my dream I just didn't feel right, something didn't feel right so I took myself to the hospital. Another doctor was on call. I was in labor and he stopped my labor and I had the babies full term. Remember, this was just a dream. It stood out to me so much combined with the mixed feelings I had with my ob's office, I decided to switch.
I asked around a lot and found a new ob. My appointment with him was scheduled for June 12, but as usual things change. On Wednesday I had called the new ob's office because Baby B was not moving and had not been for almost two days. He told me to come right in. He found both babies heartbeats on the doppler in no time. He explained that he had not received my medical records yet but I could come back after lunch (his ultrasound tech) already left for lunch or I could come in Thursday. Thursday would give him time to look over the records and schedule the ultrasound. Since both babies heartbeats were picked up right away and were good rates PLUS baby b started jumping around, I had decided just to wait until the next day to go back. I went back and this new ob did a full work up...exam and all. At first I wasn't sure why he was doing an exam but for the most part I respect physicians and their protocol. Thank goodness I didn't go against his wishes. He asked me to go home, DO NOTHING and come back at 8:30a.m. yesterday. I did just that. I went home 1.5cm dilated and did nothing. I was almost too afraid to even shower. I arrived at his office at 8:20 bottled with anticipation. By 10a.m. I was being admitted to the hospital. By 1p.m. I was being transported by ambulance to an out of town hospital to have an emergency cerclage put in.
All of this happened because I was 2 cm dialated when I went back to the ob yesterday morning. By the time I made it into surgery with the specialist I was 4cm dilated, 80% effaced and Baby A's amniotic sac was bulging through my cervix. The surgery is no guarentee; however it was a better attempt then to just sit on bed rest and do nothing at all. Both babies measure on target and will be 23 weeks gestation tomorrow. Thankfully, the hospital I'm at goes of birth weight and not gestation age to determine treatment when the boys are born. This is good in case they're born soon but have a viable birth weight.
Here is the information the specialist gave us last night. At this point, if the babies are born they will not survive. They both weigh 550 ish grams which converts to 1.2lbs. If we make it to 24 weeks the babies have a 5% higher survival rate and a 90% chance of a lifetime disabilities. 28-32 weeks and we can take home 2 healthy babies. So of course our goal is at least 28 weeks. Thats only 5 more weeks from tomorrow.
The surgery follow-up ultrasound was scheduled for Monday. The dr. said that the first 72 hours after placement of a cerclage are the most crucial. I'm currently surrounded by 6 other moms due with twins and 2 others who have a cerclage. Dr. decided to call in his u/s tech and get us all done today. After a little episode of bleeding this afternoon, the u/s news was the best news I had heard all day. Looking at the screen I saw a perfect sac and a cervix with lots of stitching. The dr. explained that the cerclage looks beautiful. I'm done to 3cm from 4 last night and most likely will not go down anymore but it's great it did go done 1cm. Now for baby A's bag. They were able to successfully place the bag back inside the uterus with no damage. During the ultrasound the dr did put pressure on the bag and as I was watching the screen preparing myself to see the begining of labor start by this one little move, God quickly gave me a reality check and reminded me that he's in charge and not myself. Baby A's bag did not budge! I believe the words the doc used today were "we're golden...for today." Tomorrow is a new day that brings new concerns and worries; however 1 day the babies stay inside are equivalent to 3 days of growth. Tomorrow remains our new normal. I lay in a bed for 23.5 hrs a day, watching tv, reading books, facebooking and text messaging. Phone calls have been saved for Rory and Ava, knowing everytime I hear their voice I hang up the phone and break down crying. I miss my husband and I miss my little girl. They came up here to see me today and Ava did very well.
It just hurts because Ava should not have to see her mom stuck with tubes all over and a catherter bag hanging off the bedside that you have to remind her not to kick it. It hurts me that Ava might not get to meet her brothers that she talks to everyday as she rubs lotion on my stomach. Its lovely to watch...her and her brothers bonding already and how in the hell do I explain to her if she never gets to meet them. I've gone through the highs and lows a hundred times in my head. I can't blame my first doctor for not looking into my complaints more seriously, when all of this possibly happened but I can be greatful that I found somebody who doesn't mind listening and treating a patient based on what they've just heard.
I can't not bring these boys home with me, yet I never underestimate that this is not my decision. Here I have come across blog after blog of miracle babies that I talk about on here, and during this little revelations I see prayer works! Please pray for Braiden Patrick O'Brien and Conley Patrick O'Brien. Pray that they fatten their tiny little bones up and they make it into this world breathing. Please pray that if this is not Gods choice that I can have understanding and strength to ever pick my feet back up and put one foot in front of the other.
Rory, if you're reading this I want you to know that I would never have picked a more solid perfect person to go through this with than you! I know I cry and that you cry but when you leave you leave me with a sense of peace and optomism. You leave me feeling like "I CAN do this" and not "I CAN'T do this anymore!" I love you for being my rock and reminding me that prayers and God really work...thank you!
Thank you to all of my friends, family and support system Rory and I truly would be lost without your encouraging words and power of prayer! We love you all!
I think I'll take advantage of this ambien I have sitting here and try to sleep for the first time in weeks. Good night and God Bless!
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1 comment:
hey danielle. i just wanted to tell u we are praying for ya'll. i now know what it feels like to have a child so i can now understand what ya'll are going through and just like u told me last week, she and the baby will be fine so i am telling u that u and the babies will be fine. hold your head high and trust god and everything will be ok. it sounds like u have a wonderful husband and tell him to hang in there and that everything will be fine. we will keep praying for ya'll every day. god bless
Brian Wright
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