I love this...lol. My email has exploded with questions as to what I wanted to share with everybody(but was checking with the hubs first.)
Just to clear the air a bit...no I'm not pregnant.
The hubby shot me down last night, so I can't really come forth in regards to what lingers on my thoughts.
I've drifted off to la la land quite a bit today. In one of my adventures in the far away place, I left with a feeling of confusion. Usually when I make a visit, it's because I've got a lot on my mind and I try to escape into my own world.
Pause for a second.
I'm in no way trying to sound like a bi-polar psycho path...I mean really, don't you just kind of drift off and day dream. I guess that's what I should have called it...day dreaming.
Okay. Back to my trip today. I was talking with a visitor who began sharing a story of her teenage daughter. The girl is en route to college this upcoming year. I don't know this mom too well but what I do know of her, she is VERY close and VERY involved in her daughters life. As she was telling me a story, I got to thinking...how am I going to be when my daughter goes off to college. I joke with Rory and say that I can't wait for the day in which we can have a date, and not pay more for the babysitter than what we actually do on date itself. I'd like to think we'd be like the married couple, that's been together for 30 years and they have their second honeymoon after the kids leave. So exciting!
Then I got to thinking. What type of relationship will I have with Ava as she gets older. I know it will not be a big bowl of ice cream with a cherry on top at all time. This is reality people. I long to have the relationship with my daughter that I've never had with my mother. *I think maybe I did temporarily but it never seems to last long*
I want Ava to want to talk to me. Lord knows I don't want to be her best friend, because as any parent I would still like my child to respect me.
I want to be the mom that has all the friends over at our house. Not only so I know what's going on in Ava's life(duh), but because she won't have so many brothers and sisters (or an alcoholic abusive stepfather) that it's embarrassing to have people over. I never knew who was going to do what. You can't blame the little brothers and sisters because they were younger and didn't know better. The unknown was just a bit unnerving.
I want to tell her everyday how beautiful she is and reassure her, so she never doubts herself to the point she is self-destructive.
I want to take her shopping and not have it be the normal that she has to do a mad dash to the clearance rack to see whats left. There will be no digging for things based on price. (This kinda goes hand in hand with Michaels last post.)
I don't want to be so involved in her life that it becomes my identity; however, I want her to never doubt if I'll be at a sporting event or activity she chooses to participate in.
As my so called visitor was chatting away, all of these things ran threw my head. I look back at my childhood and the older I get the more I realize how much it really did shape who I am, who I want to be, and who people see me as.
This is in no way a bashing session against my mother. It's just a realization that I want to do things differently. I won't always do things right nor will I always do things wrong.
At the end of the day, I just simply want my child(ren) to be well-rounded. I think my mom accomplished this job...well with just me of course ;) Not the other 5...j/k...well...kind of! I might dislike the choices she has made, but because of those choices (along with some of my own as an adult) I wouldn't be me without them.
My final destination of day dreaming left me with this:
Just to clear the air a bit...no I'm not pregnant.
The hubby shot me down last night, so I can't really come forth in regards to what lingers on my thoughts.
I've drifted off to la la land quite a bit today. In one of my adventures in the far away place, I left with a feeling of confusion. Usually when I make a visit, it's because I've got a lot on my mind and I try to escape into my own world.
Pause for a second.
I'm in no way trying to sound like a bi-polar psycho path...I mean really, don't you just kind of drift off and day dream. I guess that's what I should have called it...day dreaming.
Okay. Back to my trip today. I was talking with a visitor who began sharing a story of her teenage daughter. The girl is en route to college this upcoming year. I don't know this mom too well but what I do know of her, she is VERY close and VERY involved in her daughters life. As she was telling me a story, I got to thinking...how am I going to be when my daughter goes off to college. I joke with Rory and say that I can't wait for the day in which we can have a date, and not pay more for the babysitter than what we actually do on date itself. I'd like to think we'd be like the married couple, that's been together for 30 years and they have their second honeymoon after the kids leave. So exciting!
Then I got to thinking. What type of relationship will I have with Ava as she gets older. I know it will not be a big bowl of ice cream with a cherry on top at all time. This is reality people. I long to have the relationship with my daughter that I've never had with my mother. *I think maybe I did temporarily but it never seems to last long*
I want Ava to want to talk to me. Lord knows I don't want to be her best friend, because as any parent I would still like my child to respect me.
I want to be the mom that has all the friends over at our house. Not only so I know what's going on in Ava's life(duh), but because she won't have so many brothers and sisters (or an alcoholic abusive stepfather) that it's embarrassing to have people over. I never knew who was going to do what. You can't blame the little brothers and sisters because they were younger and didn't know better. The unknown was just a bit unnerving.
I want to tell her everyday how beautiful she is and reassure her, so she never doubts herself to the point she is self-destructive.
I want to take her shopping and not have it be the normal that she has to do a mad dash to the clearance rack to see whats left. There will be no digging for things based on price. (This kinda goes hand in hand with Michaels last post.)
I don't want to be so involved in her life that it becomes my identity; however, I want her to never doubt if I'll be at a sporting event or activity she chooses to participate in.
As my so called visitor was chatting away, all of these things ran threw my head. I look back at my childhood and the older I get the more I realize how much it really did shape who I am, who I want to be, and who people see me as.
This is in no way a bashing session against my mother. It's just a realization that I want to do things differently. I won't always do things right nor will I always do things wrong.
At the end of the day, I just simply want my child(ren) to be well-rounded. I think my mom accomplished this job...well with just me of course ;) Not the other 5...j/k...well...kind of! I might dislike the choices she has made, but because of those choices (along with some of my own as an adult) I wouldn't be me without them.
My final destination of day dreaming left me with this:
Love who you are.
Accept what made you that way.
Go one step beyond your parents in the teachings to your children.
John 14:27 Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful.
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